aer lingus sounds dirty.

back again from another wonderful weekend in amsterdam. it was james' birthday on thursday, so on friday lauren and i headed there for some celebratin'. best of all- his dad was there! and we have heard so many stories about this man, so it was an epic visit, really. we got to see a video of highlights of hilarious and adorable james as a kid, had some awesome conversation, and of course, lived the high life.

on friday, we went out to a bar for a drink with some of his friends, who were super easy to talk to and it was just lovely. then we went home, made some guacamole, uncorked some wine, and had an easy night. on saturday, we went out to lunch (at the 404, of course, where else for the best lunch in a'dam?), and ended up home for more cooking. we made a caprese salad, pesto pasta, elephant beans in some delicious herbs and spices, and then BAKLAVA. see the pic. oh man. delicious.

and after that fantastic weekend of conversation, walking around amsterdam, and cooking up feasts that don't end until the sun is almost rising... i'm back to week 2 of being a kept woman. i just went to the store and made some raw vegan tabouleh for dinner tonight- i hope it goes over well. it's something my mom has made before and i love it! it's basically cauliflower, parsley, cucumber, tomato, garlic, green onion, lemon juice, olive oil, salt, and pepper. i think i changed it up a bit but i think it's really, really good!

we're doing a light dinner tonight because i think we're going over for a bikram yoga class... the really, really, hot/awesome classes. it should be really great, as long as i don't pass out! i haven't done a hot yoga class since high school, so i'm going to be pretty rusty. on the up side, i ran six miles yesterday (or so we estimate with our park-laps), and i'm feelin' pretty great.


also... my flight home hath been booked. this wonderful adventure is indeed coming to an end on july 21st... but really, it's just the start of another one, i'm sure. i'm feeling so good about my life choices, which i literally never thought i'd say! but i am. not that it won't be terribly, terribly awful to leave holland, and lauren, and james, and our love nest, and the stroopwafels and the bikes and the tulips and... yeah. but it's going to be great.

so, if you're home when i'm home, we're hanging out. f'sho.

day four as a kept woman

well, lauren started her job on monday (which is awesome, badass, etc.), which means my days are severely different. kind of. i'm basically doin' my thang from 8:30am to 6pm, most of which has been my attempt at manageable goals/productivity. i've done some deep-cleaning, some organizing, bust mostly- cooking! oh yes. i say this in hopes that what i put on the table is delicious: i'm having a huge amount of fun making dinner while she's at work. no homo.

i'm pretty simple, i think i've made guacamole, a healthy spinach artichoke dip with carrots that turned into just a vegetable dip, and then tonight i made a corn, spinach, carmelized onions, avacado, roasted red pepper, and garlic salad (a recipe i took from my mom and molded into something to use the rest of our vegetables), and bruschetta and multi-grain crostini. um, yum. so now that it's done, i'm relaxing with a book and a glass of wine... resisting hard the temptation to go eat it before she gets home! whoa.

tonight we're going out with the interns lauren works with. which means several things. 1) we're finally "going out" in the hague! 2) must stabilize myself for influx of dutch hotties. 3) awesome.

the adventure, alas, is finally coming to an end. it's become apparent that i need to accept the lack of jobs here- not that i didn't try. hard. i think i tapped every market i could think of... oh well. maybe i should have learned the language and/or gotten some working papers or something. instead, i'm coming home on the most expensive flight known to man- $850 one way! shit. and then i return, broke, humbled, and stronger. different. deeper? happier? more bold, to be sure.

number one (debatably) perk of going home: fully equiped kitchen and people to cook for. tightttt.

i made a mix last night of my dutch adventure- check it out:

the decemberists- the crane wife 3
ezra furman and the harpoons- the world is alive
fall out boy- bang the doldrums
the maine- i wanna love you
the mountain goats- heretic pride
queen- don't stop me now
the tallest man on earth- this wind
counting crows- accidentally in love
joe pug- number 14 on donnelly's mix
noah and the whale- sun, sun, sun (5 years time)
cold war kids- hospital beds
rufus wainwright- hallelujah
owen- places to go
norah jones- somewhere over the rainbow
peter bjorn and john- amsterdam
the format- tie the rope
the new pornographers- sing me spanish techno
cat power- naked if i want to
jason mraz- i'm yours
motion city soundrack- even if it kills me
rusted root- send me on my way
rilo kiley- more adventurous

consider it.

well, it's that hour.

if you're not familiar, lose yourself in the world of food porn (thanks to donnelly for this): www.tastespotting.com

... doin' it for the story!

come, children, let me tell you the tale of the most fantastic trip to london that ended in the most awful/hilarious way.

so, lauren and i went to london on july 1st to stay with her friend kelly from home until the 5th. let me go right ahead and say- kelly and jon are the shit. i was a little nervous when lauren said we were staying with her youth minister from camp back in new canaan, but it was nothing like that at all. kelly is 30ish and six months pregnant with her first child, and in a doctorate program at king's college at waterloo to get her PhD in some kind of theology. and she's so open and loving when she speaks about faith that i was absolutely floored. i'm really impressed by the way that she manages faith with the rest of her life, making it wholly a part of it but in no way oppressive or even really defined. anyway, so she and jon moved to london and opened their flat to us, and it was fantastic!

so, our first full day there, we went to burrough market (see the pic)! it was right under tower bridge, and by far one of the best markets i've ever been to. it also helped that i kept spending my meager pounds on sangria to sip while we perused the stalls, and i was a little giggly by the end. so we picked up some fresh bread, cheese, and artichoke hearts, and ate some vegetarian noodle/bean/cous cous concoctions, as well as fish and chips, and then left kelly to go to the tate modern.

the tate is one of my favorite museums by far! it's got a boom-bangin' collection, and is also very manageable in size. their collection is really diverse too, and they're not afraid to take a chance on some really kooky things. lauren ran into someone from her high school class there (holy random happenstance) and we recuperated with espresso on the balcony overlooking the thames, and to st. paul's cathedral. it. was. lovely.

then we walked over to st. paul's, and ended up right when evensong was starting. so, we got to go to the front of the church where the clergy sits, and listen to a choral performance/service. it was really beautiful, and it was a nice addition to this whole being-in-my-head thinking about what i really think, re-evaluating kind of state of mind that's been a theme in this whole adventure.

we walked up to where i used to live, and then over to tottenham court road, and took the tube back to kelly's. we had a quiet evening in with apples to apples, wine, and cheese... literally my perfect night.

on saturday, we woke up and went to leicester square to get tickets for a show. we got tickets for cheap to see avenue q, which was super exciting! i saw it once in high school, but i was so pumped to get to see it again. then we ate a delicious brunch at a place called the breakfast club, and went our separate way from kelly. we went and did a crash tour of london- the british museum to see the elgin marbles, the rosetta stone, and some other... shit, then the lovely walk to the national museum to take in our art quota for the day. it was awesome to be with lauren because she's totally okay with skipping the madonna-and-child/altarpiece era, which i think i'm so over i can't even stand it! we focused on the modern art, which is a really nicely rounded out collection. oh yeah.

then we walked through st. james' park, saw big ben, parliament, westminster abbey, buckingham palace, etc., and then went home. THEN we got dressed and went to the most delicious mexican restaurant, all super fresh and light food, that was ranked number one on london cheap eats! and it was SO. GOOD. i had a cactus-nacho that was out of this world! also a hibiscus margarita... yum. and instead of matches, they give out little chili pepper seeds. awesome.

avenue q was hilarious. seriously. 'nuff said. except for maybe, also, it was hitting so close to home- single, unemployed, and almost 23- sound familiar? haha. but seriously, it made me feel really good about being that way at this time in my life, and that i really can't take myself too seriously.

on sunday, 4th of july of course!, we went to battersea park for an "american" barbeque with kelly and jon. we acquired the most awkward and socially weird man named andy for most of the day, and it was hilarious/really annoying. we also drank a considerable amount of wine and pimm's, got a paddle boat out on the lake, and OH YEAH i definitely danced with a man who couldn't have been younger than 75. turns out, everyone stopped to watch us... yes, i got a standing O from people. if not standing, at least much applause from like... 200 people. amazing? hilarious? yes. all of the above. pictures to follow.

THEN.
Oh.
then.

sunday morning, we got up at 4 am for an 8 am flight out of luton, on the other side of the city. had to take a bus, and a train, and wait, etc., so whatever, we get there at like 7:10. turns out... it was the wrong airport. we came into luton, but left from stanstead. so, of course, we're shit out of luck. we bought new tickets, a bus ticket to stanstead, and waited for four hours. finally, we check in, and go through security, and i set off the metal detector. so i get groped, legitimately needed a cigarette after that kind of intimacy. so then my bag comes through and sets off the machine. lovely. this guy with a spiky ass mohawk is going through my shit, and finds the pepper spray my sister got me for my birthday that looks like lipstick. and he looks at me, and goes...

"you know this is an illegal weapon in the UK."
"whut."
"uh huh. i'm sorry, i'm going to have to get the cops... and they're going to have to take you into custody."

ahaahahahhahahahahaha. i mean, really. after this whole shenanigans, i get taken into custody for pepper spray. thankfully, the cops were super super cool, and we laughed and joked and then i got interviewed, fingerprinted, DNA-swabbed, and photographed mug-shot style with my stats. oh, and i'm blacklisted at all UK airports for five years.

for being armed and dangerous.

i just... i don't even have any more to say about that. hilarious. also, my dad is playing my custody numbers in the lottery next weekend. cross your fingers!

today was lauren's first day of work, so i had to play kept woman for the first time. i power-cleaned our third-floor walk-up love nest, went grocery shopping, made guacamole, did laundry, and went for a run. i also got to catch up with a lot of people, which was really great. i was getting a little lonely after being with donnelly for literally 23 hours of every day for the last six weeks. at which point, i need to point out the strength of this friendship. it's still working so well! i'm beyond lucky to have her in my life, especially to make this move with.

and now, it's 10 pm and still bright as day. lauren's trying to sleep for work tomorrow, but i can't pass out before it's dark out two nights in a row. thus, i blog. it's all for you.

where the crêpes are hot and the nights are hotter

i'm back in paris! the strangest thing about being here is that it isn't strange at all- the year that passed seemed to have never happened. this isn't true, of course, because last year was incredible... i miss the waffle haus more than i could have ever imagined! but having that year was a blessing that i'm going to take with me wherever i go, and even though i'm not sure how it's going to shape my personality quite yet, it will present itself in the future.

so paris! is paris, of course. we've been doing some things like: walking until our feet fall off, picnicking with brie and baguette (and of course wine), reconnecting with some old friends, as well as some old bars, getting some DELICIOUS falafel, and generally just being back in the parisian swing. as much as this place is pretty great, i don't think i'd ever want to move back here for an extended period of time... particularly after being in the netherlands. the french are just so much colder and less friendly, whereas the dutch basically make out with you every time you speak. living in a place where you don't constantly feel like an intruder and an imposition is lovely. so, as great as it is to be back here, i'm pleased to go back to den haag.

with erica! lovely, lovely erica met us here in paris for a few days, and is coming back to the hague with us. our plans include picnics, walking, loving, renting a car to drive to the place with gigantic clogs, tulips, windmills, and of course lots and lots of dutch cheese, heading back to amsterdam (fourth time in four weeks?), and continuing my job hunt.

which seems to be reaching a breaking point, i think. i'm not giving up, for sure, but i feel exhausted with all the possibilities that i've explored, and not been able to take. i just sent out a few more emails to some people with some connections, but it might just not happen. the life drawing classes that require models aren't starting until september, and i really can't afford to stay here until then- so, unless i find something right quick, i'll be homeward bound in a few weeks.

and the more i consider it, the more i'm okay with it. i'm homesick in a way that i haven't been before- it's a wistful kind of homesick, but something that will be remedied with being back with my family. it's been difficult coming to terms with this, but in reality, it's so clearly the best choice. i'll have some time to reconnect with my family, save some money, and clear my head to find out what i really want to be doing with myself. this trip has been a really big learning experience for me, mostly in terms of sorting out what's going on in my head, and why. lauren and i have been talking a lot about life-things, and what we consider to be happiness and success, why we think that way, and if it's right. so whereas last year moving home was the most awful thing i could have imagined, and i would feel like a total failure... now it seems like the most important thing i could do.

think of all the things to do! i have such grand plans. even if i find a job here and stay until december, i'll be home eventually for awhile, and it's going to be great. i'm going to get more involved with food- growing it, making it, eating it, loving it. i want to get back on the piano and find a way to express myself that i think has been stifled for awhile. i want to read every book on every shelf in every library- starting with the classics that i despised in high school, but now i'm gaining so much from re-reading them in my current life-state.

i'm not even really sure who's actually around in bethel, but i'm okay with that. i've been learning to be my own person, to do my own thing, and to make myself happy with myself. and it's lovely, really, to not have to scramble around to find company and itch for something to do. if you're in the area, hey, we're going to be friends! if not, well, that's okay too. cross your fingers that i won't be back until the winter, but if i'm home next month, it's going to be a strange and delicious new chapter.

on a lighter note, there are more jonas brothers look-alikes in paris than i've ever seen in my life.
also, today is fête de la musique- the entire city is filled with free music all day long! we made a brunch today, and now the rest of my traveling companions are asleep (erica with a hangover, lauren with her mouth open, jess with her michelle-sized feet hanging out- and i love them all) until we head out to see saul williams and the mtv shake ton booty party. oh. man. this is going to be hilarious.

in the meantime, i'm going to go finish reading lolita by vladimir nabokov- thank goodness for james and his extensive library collection, that he's so good about sharing with us. if you're familiar, you know how fucked up this story is. if not, it's really fucked up. but so good. reading books with protagonists who aren't exactly moral a-listers is an interesting switch...

tu me manques, tous!

a job, perhaps?

i might have a job!!! once the beach turned me down (lame) and no one in the city needs extra help (also lame), i started to reevaluate other options... and i started emailing art schools in the area to see if they need models. at home, they pay a decent amount, so i'm hoping that this pulls through! i got an email from a woman who is the director of "several programs in the hague" and said she is going to call me about "several classes"! this is beyond exciting to me. if i can stay by letting people be moved by my beauty (obviously. ahahaha) and compelled (instructed, rather) to draw me, that would be so ideal. lots of down time, decent money...

the other option i have out there literally walked into me. or, i walked into him. i was leaving the house the other day and bumped into this guy who was talking about energy plans or something... long story short, we got talking and his family lives in new jersey, etc. etc., and he said his girlfriend works under the table a few nights a week and makes about 100 bucks a night. and he's going to check some things out for me and see if he can find me some work! awesome. it sounds a little strange, i'm not really sure why someone would make an effort for a stranger... but hey, i like it.

in not-job news, jess silber is here! my love, my love. she got here yesterday and we just had a delicious picnic in the park (bread, cheese, tomatoes, basil, stroopwafels, chocolade pasta wit, wine, wine, wine...) and got a little silly and went to sleep. today we're going into leiden to meet up with her friend anton who's taking us around (he's from there) and i believe to THE HERRING FESTIVAL. this has been a huge selling point for me since the beginning. hooray for the first catch of the season! and for the darling little dutch people who make a festival for it.

and then we're going back to amsterdam, because james is the shit. seriously, we went last week for one night, and ended up staying for four! he just keeps inviting us, and it's so appealing. seriously, great guy, fantastic conversation, and food that basically drives me into a delicious, delicious coma every time. last time we made (actually created) pasta, and pesto, and a pecan pie, and a blueberry crumble, and oh my goodness so many things. so, we're going back on sunday for a night (or two?)

and JACOB is going to be there! jake and i basically were up in each others' business all the time in paris- my homie, if you will. and he's how i met james- they went to american university paris together. so jake is coming to visit james, with emma (delightful british ginger who also cooks quite well!) and it's going to be just lovely.

so, cross your fingers about being able to sell my body, and we'll see how this pans out...

chocoladepasta in my mouth.

... this just needs its own post. this is my dream food. it's basically white chocolate in the consistency of thick, creamy peanut butter. what. what. whoever invented this is my new hero. lauren and i have both been slimming down significantly since we've been here, but this is going to take care of that for sure... AWW YISS.

wanted: gainful employment

oyyy. yesterday was emotionally draining, to be sure! it was the day i set out to find a job on the beach. scheveningen is the more popular of the two beaches, and every place i went in town to find a job told me to holler at the strand (beach). so, with a hopeful heart (because literally everything in the netherlands just happens, it just works in a strange way), i headed out to find a job.

not so easy. i hit probably 25 places on one side of the beach, and got flat-out turned town from probably 18 of those places. SUPER NICE PEOPLE, though, everyone was very understanding and wished me luck. i think 6 or 7 asked for my number and contact info, and said they'd call me. i have a feeling they were just humoring me, but at least one or two of them seemed plausible. one is at a place called copacabana, and the girl who owns it said she has a swedish girl leaving at the end of the month. i'm definitely going back there to stalk down her job! the other is the land of hot men. literally, the two most attractive men i've met since i've been here. the owner, i think his name is... well, okay, i actually don't remember. i was too stunned by his beautiful blonde hair and face and tall... anyway. and then he directed me to the kitchen manager, mischa, who is not only hot, but willing to flirt with me while i begged for a job. we'll see how that goes...

so, there are some prospects, but nothing totally promising. today we're taking the day off from the hunt, and going to a free concert in the spui (town square) with a picnic, then walking to the ICTY (international criminal tribunal for the former yugoslavia) where lauren is working. then, as per our routine, we'll probably come back, read in the park, take a nap, drink some wine, talk about life... it's a lovely routine. adding employment to it will only be more productive!

if nothing works out in den haag in the next week or so, i'm seriously considering taking a job in a bar in amsterdam that james can hook me up with. kind of a commute, to be sure (35 minutes each way), but it would be worth it to stay here! i gotta figure out how to do that. i love it here. i also found out that many of the masters degree programs here are in english and also can be fully covered. what. a free masters degree in leiden or amsterdam? i would say, yes yes yes. but we'll see- london is still calling, as is UC berkeley, somewhere in oregon, maybe new york, and i really do want to see if i could ever get into an ivy... but i digress.

if i can't find a job, and i do have to go home, i think i'm totally okay with that. i would LOVE to stay here, but if i can't get a job, it's two factors that i just can't help at this point- i'm not fluent in dutch, and i don't have experience in huge restaurants. i'm doing all i can, as well as applying for nanny jobs/ english/french/art history tutor jobs, etc... but if it doesn't work, then home is always where i can go and be loved and be happy. i'll eventually be back with butch and shirley for awhile, and whether it's sooner or later i can't say, but i will definitely be happy for the downtime and chill time with my family. i feel like i haven't seen them for extended periods of time in so long...

i need a bike. employment, find me!